You know those "motivational" posters (海报, 招贴) some managers like to display on their wall? Well, here's one you can print out to put in your work station. Make sure you point it out to your boss. You'll either get a chuckle (吃吃的笑声) or get fired:
Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
If it's really a rush job, run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Even better, hover (在某处或其附近逗留；徘徊) behind me, and advise me at every keystroke(按键).
Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to function as a paraplegic (截瘫患者) and opening doors with no arms is good training in case I should ever be injured and lose all use of my limbs (肢).
If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is priority (优先). I am psychic(通灵的).
Do your best to keep me late. I adore (爱慕) this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion.
If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton (浮游生物). When you refer to them later, my shrewd (机敏的，精明的) deductions (推论, 演绎) will identify them.
Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life and send you straight to manager's hell.
Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to pay so many taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good manager.
Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre (普通的，中等偏下的) performance rating with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.